Practical Sales Training™ > How To Lose The Sale > Over Familiarity
What is it?
When you have a conversation with someone – either in the DMs or in real life, and they use terms like “darling” and “sweetheart” or are very informal… it can set alarm bells ringing.
Why does it work?
Being overly familiar sets alarm bells ringing because familiarity implies trust and if we are speaking with a new person who we aren’t yet sure of, it feels like they are forcing us to trust them. Rather than trusting this person (as they would want us to) we are SUSPICIOUS of them and guarded. That’s why it doesn’t work.
The reality is that trust is built slowly over time and is based on you demonstrating your ability and reliability. You have to DECIDE you trust someone, I don’t think it’s something you can be fooled into doing just because of some informality.
How can you use it?
If you want to make your potential buyers feel weird. Speak to them like they are your boyfriend or girlfriend and use familiar language and an informal tone.
This lack of formality – especially effective when you are cold messaging people you don’t know, will help ensure no-one responds!
Example
Imagine you receive a LinkedIn message from someone you’ve never spoken to before:
“Hey mate, I saw your profile and I just know I can help you boost your sales! Let’s jump on a call, mate, and I’ll show you some magic tricks I’ve got up my sleeve.”
Instead of feeling intrigued, you instantly feel put off and suspicious. The overly familiar language – “mate” – feels unprofessional and forced. You wonder, “Why is this stranger talking to me like we’ve been down the pub together?”
This creates a trust gap rather than building rapport, because true trust is built through competence, professionalism, and consistency, not through false familiarity.
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